That doesn’t mean to say that he is responsible for her cheating, or that he is responsible for her abusing him if those things have happened.
We are never responsible for our partner’s actions; they are their own people.
Perhaps he’s not yet ready to share his heart with another person.
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And if his ex really did a number on this guy, it would make sense that he would have some bad feelings towards her.
But if he is routinely expressing those bad feelings about her within earshot of you, his preoccupation with his divorce or separation may mean that he has some unresolved feelings.
But if he is also maintaining a strict separation between you and his family, or you and his friends, then it’s reasonable to wonder why. That’s not making space for the relationship to grow and evolve.
If you are only getting calls from him during weird “off” hours, all of your dates involve you meeting him somewhere on the outskirts of town, or he avoids taking you to family functions or gatherings with friends, be curious as to why it appears that he isn’t comfortable with having you in his social circles. Let him know your desire to meet his friends and family, and see what he says. Not only is it demoralizing to feel like you’re being swept under the rug all the time, but it really holds back the possibility of your relationship growing into its full potential; growing into a relationship that’s truly fulfilling for the both of you.
We all have choices when it comes to our relationships.
If your partner refuses to take responsibility for any part in the breakdown of his marriage, then he is likely the kind of guy who won’t readily take the blame for his relationship missteps later on down the road, either.
Most emotionally healthy people who are going through a divorce will engage in a bit of self-reflection as they attempt to determine how they could have done things differently throughout the course of their relationship.
So if your partner is saying he’s completely blameless in his divorce or playing the victim, be curious as to why he is not taking responsibility for his own faults.
Taking responsibility means recognizing our own choices in a given situation. Maybe before she decided to cheat, she tried to help cultivate more romance in their relationship, have more date nights, or spend more time together.