When Becky was invited to lunch by a man she met at a bookstore, she was excited.
She was ready to date and had taken time to seek God and heal after her divorce three years earlier.
Rules for dating after a divorce
A good first date, writes blogger Benji Feen, is one that “leaves room for casual conversation and offers opportunities to tell stories and articulate thoughts, but doesn’t last too long.” It should go without saying, but a good first date also does not include sex.
First dates that end in the bedroom tend to bring on some pretty serious feelings of rejection in the days that follow.
Perhaps you share their concerns, as you're also wondering how you can reenter the dating world after divorce — and do so according to God's standards. Divorce is the death of the dreams you had when you committed yourself "for better or for worse." As a Christian, you can't simply separate from your spouse one day and hit the dating field the next.
And as with any loss, big or small, time is needed to grieve and to reassess who you are, where you've been and where God wants you to go.
“Even very reasonable and civilized people can find unexpected, hard-to-manage emotions popping up at the most inconvenient times, particularly during the early months of a separation and divorce,” caution divorce experts Pauline Tesler and Peggy Thompson in their book, .
“Recovering from the shock of a failed marriage involves moving through that initial period of diminished capacity, until gradually, more and more of the time, your pre-divorce ‘best self’ is back at the helm.” For most people, this Once you do feel ready to date again, do yourself a favor and read this spot-on blog article called “Low-stakes First Dates,” which says that the key to avoiding a tangled web of confusion and dejection is to stop betting everything on the first date.
Healing is also necessary to follow God's command to" do unto others what you would have them do unto you," (Matthew ).
If you start dating prematurely, you could be hurting — rather than honoring — those you date.
Even if your kids are OK with the idea of mom and dad dating other people, they still need time to adjust to the new family configuration and get used to this new life.