Like what are things that men consistently do wrong that you find you have to correct? But these guys who list hundreds of books and TV shows and movies — they come across like spectators. Well, I guess we’re fortunate in that the guys we’ve worked with so far have a lot going for them.
They just don’t have the time to pre-qualify their dates, for the most part. So let’s say it all works out: you match a client with someone, they hit it off.
Attractive women, on the other hand, use online dating as a screening tool. No, right, online dating is definitely not easier for women.
But that’s because we know attraction works differently for men and women, and men and women use the site differently.
For a man to get a woman’s attention online, he really has to be the complete package: the photos, the message, the follow-up, he has to ask for her number at the right time — not so early that it’s weird, not so late that she’s moved on to someone else.
When people meet, that initial messaging will be completely forgotten. Yeah, but whenever you meet somebody on a first date, he’s trying to put his best foot forward. But even if they’re different, the in-person chemistry will trump everything. So you’re basically arguing that this sort of disconnect is inherent in online dating, or even the human condition in general — it has nothing to do with whether a third party is doing some of the dating for you. To quote the New York Times’ Stephanie Rosenbloom, “research shows that lying is partly a result of tension between the desire to be truthful and the desire to put one’s best face forward. Innuendo is okay, but if you’re too direct it comes across as off-putting, and men tend to do that a lot. Because what if you have a guy who really is a participant?
So profiles often describe an idealized self; one with qualities they intend to develop (i.e., “I scuba dive”) or things they once had (i.e., a job).”] In that spirit, can you give me some pro tips for online-daters? We also tell people not to get too into consumer culture — and I know you’re a culture blogger! How do you market people who just, by virtue of their personality, go against all the rules and conventional wisdom of online dating?
Do you advise clients to tell their dates they use your service?
You know, like come clean about those early messages?
I know a thing or two about online dating — I went on my first online date maybe 20 years ago. And we break out the women by archetypes as well: say girl next door, or more cosmopolitan, or trouble — Wait, you literally have an archetype called “trouble”?
I was talking to a girl in an AOL chatroom and we went for ice cream, to Baskin Robbins. Yeah, well — if a woman has dozens of pictures on her profile of her drinking 40s, you probably wouldn’t approach her the same way you’d approach a woman who says she’s “family first.” I definitely want to talk more about the way PDA sees women.
A guy can’t afford to make mistakes with the ones who are in high demand. And then we’re also trying to come to an understanding of who he is, really pull out his strengths.
Naturally, these are the types our members are interested in. As for the archetypes, we strive to be equally reductive for our male and female archetypes. As far as I’m concerned, the more cats, the better. A lot of people don’t know their own strengths, so we ask very probing questions to pull that out.
Now, in what may mark either the high or low point for the Internet as a communications medium, a company called Personal Dating Assistants is offering not only to tell you how to online date, but to do it for you — for a price, of course.