For two cents I'd give you a piece of my mind - and all of yours. He doesn't know whether to scratch his watch or wind his butt.
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After ten more long minutes her phone finally buzzed.
Don’t let nosy questions about your singleness catch you off-guard.
Has reached rock bottom and shows signs of starting to dig. Have you considered suing your brains for nonsupport? He does the work of three men: Moe, Larry, and Curly. Heard your family went to a restaurant where they serve crabs just so they could bring you along.
Grasp your ears firmly and remove your head from your ass. He comes from a long line of real estate people -- they're a vacant lot. He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle. I look into your eyes and get the feeling someone else is driving. How did you get it to come out of one nostril like that? You are so dumb, you planted a dogwood tree and expected a litter of puppies. Your house is so dirty you have to wipe your feet before you go outside. What are you going to do for a face when the baboon wants his butt back? I hear you are being accepted into an exclusive club because they need someone to snub. You are so old, even your memory is in black and white. I'd like to see things from your point of view but I can't seem to get my head that far up my ass. When you go to the mind reader, do you get half price? You are so old, the candles on your birthday cake raised earth's temperature by 3 degrees. Some drink from the fountain of knowledge, you just gargled. I feel sorry for you because you are so homely, but I feel even sorrier for other people because they have to look at you. If my dog had your face, I would shave his butt and make him walk backwards. You must be the arithmetic man -- you add trouble, subtract pleasure, divide attention, and multiply ignorance. You may be a beautiful person on the inside, too bad you were born on the outside! You're a few planets short of a Federation You have Diarrhea of the mouth; constipation of the ideas. Your family wasn't dysfunctional until you arrived. There's two things I really hate about you: your face! I hope you meet someone who is good-looking, intelligent, and cultured.You are so old, even your memory is in black and white. I used to think that you were a big pain in the neck. I heard your parents took you to a dog show and you won. You are living proof that God has a sense of humor. Have you considered suing your brains for non-support? When you die, I'd like to go to your funeral, but I'll probably have to go to work that day. When you get to the men`s room, you will see a sign that says, "Gentlemen." Pay no heed to it. Believe me, I don't want to make a monkey out of you. I don't mind that you are talking so long as you don't mind that I'm not listening. If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person on earth. You are so old, when you were a kid rainbows were black and white. You are so stupid, when you heard 90% of all crimes occur around the home, you went out. I know you are nobody's fool, but maybe someone will adopt you. The twinkle in your eyes is actually the sun shining between your ears. I'll hit you so hard by the time you come down, you'll need a passport and plane ticket back You're as useful as an ashtray on a motorcycle. You are so was so ugly they used to push your face into dough to make gorilla cookies. For those who never forget a face, you are an exception. If brains were dynamite, you would not have enough to blow your nose. I've had many cases of love that were just infatuation, but this hate I feel for you is the real thing. I would ask you how old you are, but I know you can't count that high.Ever since I saw you in your family tree, I've wanted to cut it down. You fear success, but really have nothing to worry about. You inspired the slogan, "A mind is a terrible thing to waste."If you spoke your mind, you'd be speechless. I don't know what makes you so stupid, but it really works. Don't go to a mind reader; go to a palm reader; I know you've got a palm. The last time I saw a face like yours I threw it a fish! I guess you prove that even god makes mistakes sometimes. People clap when they see you -- their hands over their eyes or ears. You have signs on both ears saying "Space for Rent". If stupidity hurt, you'd go through life on a morphine drip. I would love to beat you up, but I have a problem with cruelty to dumb animals. I say that you are not perfect, but you are doing alright. My mail-order spouse should be arriving any day now. Because I want my cat to grow up in a stable environment.