It’s embarrassing to talk about, but these last few months of trying online dating have kind of broken through my shyness.
Once I found your blog I took a couple weeks to read through your old questions, some of them were very relevant to my issues.https://captainawkward.com/2011/08/22/guest-post-how-do-i-stop-letting-my-terrible-self-esteem-sabotage-my-relationships-reader-question-99/ (comment: “Sure, they notice if you are sloppy, or not practicing basic hygiene and grooming…”)https://captainawkward.com/2011/06/28/reader-question-67-my-wonderful-boyfriend-has-horrible-hygiene-and-a-disgusting-house-how-do-i-talk-to-him-about-it/ (one comment stuck out: “Poor dental hygiene to me is a total, permanent deal-breaker.”)About me: I’m a hetero male, nearing 40 years old.
Mentally and socially I’m a mess, but I’d go way over 500 words if I tried to describe it all. I’m tall, not overweight, somewhat fit but not too obsessed about it, full head of hair (graying but that’s OK), and…horrible teeth.
The guys who call me names are under the sexist impression that women are supposed to be ornamental in a certain way, and if we’re not we are completely worthless.
Someone who rejects your bad teeth is rejecting your history of depression and the resulting poverty or lack of self-care.
It feels different to be passed over by a stranger than it is to be turned down by someone you’ve been pining for after you’ve made a grand gesture. For a handful of people I will be just what they want, and they will be just what I want, and who cares about the rest?
You’re giving the person in the second (overly-invested) scenario WAY too much power over your happiness and forgetting that they get to make a snap judgment. What we should also understand, in the name of complete honesty: If you scrape the surface, many dealbreakers stink of sexism, size-ism, classism, able-ism, and racism.
The readers and commenters contribute so much to the community here.
I didn’t know back when I started this thing that I was, you know, starting A Thing, with Jedi Hugs and FEELINGSBOMBS and African Violets.
Part of my problem is I haven’t been in a relationship in many years.
So I signed up for some online dating, but it’s been tough.
Meeting women is hard because when (if) they flash a big smile (with their nice teeth) at me I just can’t do a big, natural smile back at them.