They have low self-esteem, and any rejection triggers feelings of shame. Poor boundaries are one of the main symptoms of codependency.Codependents have difficulty seeing others as separate individuals, with their own feelings, needs, and motivations.Breaking up and rejection are especially hard for codependents.
Children can interpret parental behavior as rejecting and shaming when it’s not meant to be.
Even parents who profess their love may behave in ways that communicate you’re not loved as the unique individual you are.
Working through the following issues can help you let go and move on. Past feelings of loss and trauma from their childhood are triggered.
Codependents often blame themselves or their partner. Working through these issues can help to let go and move on.
Shame often is unconscious, but may drive a person to love others who can’t love or don’t love them.
In this way, a belief in one’s unloveability becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy operating beneath conscious awareness.
For example, if a man cheats, the woman often assumes it’s because she’s not desirable enough, rather than that his motivation comes from his fear of intimacy.
Learning to love yourself can help heal shame and improve self-esteem.
There may be instances where a person’s addiction, abuse, or infidelity precipitate a break up, but if you look more deeply, those behaviors reflect individual motivations and are part of a bigger picture of why the relationship didn’t work. Codependents blame others because they have trouble taking responsibility for their own behavior, which might include a failure to set boundaries.